Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
