ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
