Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
