ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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