He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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