I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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