You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
