then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
