btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
