Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
