You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
