Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the day after is always just damage control
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
