In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
