I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
