38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
