he was CRYING into my vagina
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
