You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
