he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
