Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
