i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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