Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i drank out of a bidet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
