Don't make out with my wife yet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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