Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
