I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
