Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
