My sheets look like a crime scene.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
