that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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