I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
