I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
