Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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