Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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