yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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