We're facebook friends in real life
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
