I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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