when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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