Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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