She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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