Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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