I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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