dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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