im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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