New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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