Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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