imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
