I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
