Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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