Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
