I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
