if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
