Redeem this text for a blowjob
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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