And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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