I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
