So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
